You must crawl before you walk ....

Friday, November 4, 2016



There has been many moments and I have wondered why God choose me for this life ....I have truly endured quite a bit these 40 years I have been in this world.
However all that I have been through has not compared to what I have faced this year.
I know that sounds absolutely insane ... 
The Bible teaches me that the Lord will not put more on me than I can bare. However we often miss the part of the verse that says with out a way of escape. 
On March 1,2016 everything I knew as normal was changed.
I went in for a very simple knee surgery that turned into a medical nightmare.
I had a heart surgery on April17,2016 for a heart problem that stemmed from that surgery. Life from that moment was changed.
I seen my family and ministry in a way I hadn't in a long time .... I noticed how busy this world makes us! 
How we let petty things get in the way of spending time with our family. Most of all spending quality time with our Lord.
Making our spouse feel like they are our number and our kids have our attention. 
It made pay closer attention ! 
However I am human when weight gain became a huge issue and when I struggled keeping up with everyday life, I felt like less of a woman....
After all I am only human right ... it's okay to have as I like to say moment of weakness lol.
I was praying and asking God why His answer seemed to be no... if it was would He please help me to accept the answer He had chosen for me. I wanted to be all I could be for Him no matter what!
I started to add more daily things back into my life. I returned to children's ministry, cleaning the house, preparing most of the meals, going to town, I took a trip with just me and my youngest , I even  led a Homeshool co-op. I may have been tired all the time but I was trying to make the best of what God had given me for my right now.
Among the task of making my family number two because Jesus will always be my number 1!
It was the beginning to mid September I had an allergic reaction and missed our church ice cream social. My amazing husband and girls went on with out me. I am not sure I will ever forget the panic in my daughters voice on the phone when it woke me up. Her Dad was in tremendous pain and vomiting she was taking him to the nearest ER. I could hear the fear in her voice. I told her then o would find a way to the hospital to be with them. Turns out he had a rather large kidney stone. He had battled them one time before, ten years ago. This would be the begenimg of a new battle for our family. My sweet dear hubby who never complains was in tremendous pain. He would spend the night in the hospital and have his stone blasted. After he endured the stone for a week!
It was the morning of his procedure I knew something was very wrong. I was short of breathe more than usual and the pain in my chest was the worst it had ever been ....
On the following Monday I would have a echocardiogram and be transported to Presbyterian hospital in Charlotte by ambulance!
My heart had a moderate pericardial effusion and the bottom left lobe of my lung had collapsed due to fluid on the outside of my lung !
 The roller coaster of a ride was just beginning... I was put to sleep back to back to endure very painful test... that would lead to the decision that I would need a very major heart and lung surgery.I needed a thoracotomy . This way my new medical team could access both my heart and lungs at the same time. I would come out of surgery with a eleven inch incision underneath my left shoulder blade, reaching under my arm and a chest tube.
The first few days are a blur honestly the whole hospital stay and the first few weeks were... I remember bits and pieces but not much.... I turned fourty three days after surgery and I vaguely remember it. The things I do remember are the things nightmares are made of.
However what I have learned through all of this has been life changing. God wasn't saying no ....Just hold on ...He wasn't finished yet! He had a plan I just needed to wait for Him to finish it! I feel the best I have felt since March. Except for recovery of surgery which has not been a walk in the park lol.
He showed me my husband loves me beyond words ! He has cared for me around the clock. Never leaving my side until two weeks ago when he returned to work or to preach.
He has told me countless time how beautiful I was to him even when I felt like a blimp. I gained 15-20lbs of fluid . Which I have now lost! God showed me that my family and their well being had to come first after Him! That same scared look I seen in March and April was now and is back in their eyes ....  As a wife and mom thTs hard to see and reassure them each cough you have and each grunt from pain is just part of healing that we are getting there .
He showed me the scale is just a scale that beauty starts within that I would only feel as beautiful as I let myself feel... The number on the scale does not defy me no more than my past gets too! Now don't take me wrong I have tried to eat healthier and I have to drink a very precise amount of fluids and surprisingly. But you won't here me complain.
I have learned to hand things off to people delegating is very important.
It's okay to take care of me and let someone else handle things.
Don't sweat the little things if it don't get done today there is always tomorrow and it will be okay!
I truly feel like the things we go through are ment to grow us....Just like a baby normally will crawl before it walks.... I have learned slow down and enjoy this gift called life He has given to me ! It may not be perfect but it's mine !
Since I have been home I have spent all of October at besides Dr appointments. Until this week, I have finally healed enough to wear a special bra my sweet hubby found me. I am still very slow and sore ... Yet very blessed!
This week I will attend my first church service since mid September! I am super excited !
My family does not celebrate halloween, it has been a 21 year tradition to put our Christmas tree on that day. We celebrate light over darkness..... so one of the first things My hubby said I asked him after surgery is that he would promise my tree would go up!  Guess what with the help from my girls and my hubby my home is decked out in Christmas !!!! He even put two trees up for me ! One in the main house and one in the apartment where I am having to spend most of my time!
I am a very blessed lady, even though we are still awaiting an up coming echo on my heart to make sure the effusion has stayed gone ! I know in my heart I have been healed ! I also have learned to take everyday as it comes....  He is in control and no matter what I am blessed to have a heavenly Dad who loves me so very much! So if you think of me please continue to pray! I have very strict restrictions that last through November! I have upcoming appointments and test. I will try to update here as often as I can.... thank you for stopping by and know I am sending love and prayers your way!
I would like to close with a few pictures ! I hope you enjoy them!


 Here is our skating rink it's a family


1 comment:

  1. I'm SO excited that you are blogging again! Especially that you feel like blogging again! Your words are always such an encouragement and inspiration to me! I'm also very thankful that you're feeling better! Its so sad that you had to go through so much, but at the same time I'm so glad God brought you to a place of healing! I know that after christmas is the anniversary of when you got hurt.. I hope by that day you feel almost the same as you did before! That's my prayer!
    As for weight gain, when I saw you, I thought you looked absolutely beautiful and didn't need to lose weight at all. And I love your new hair in that pic! The pixie cut suits you just like snow :) and your tree is breathtaking!!! I hope you feel like blogging some more and I'll be sending up extra prayers for you tomorrow!!! Love you!!

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