Just The Ramblings Of A Jesus Girl Who has Lupus

Wednesday, August 21, 2019

Where has August disappeared too? I think I blinked and it was gone!
August has been a hard month for me. We have transitioned my pain meds to a higher long acting pain meds to give me better control. This has not been a easy transition. I have been to the emergency room again for uncontrollable pain.
However God is so good even when everything seems so blah and not what you expected.
He's moved in my spiritual many times this month.
My heart needed to know that Jesus girl still had a purpose for all of this pain. 
The first part of August I received a phone call asking everyone to speak at our ladies conference.

I know what your thinking your the pastor's wife you should speak when ever you feel led. I don't handle myself in that way as a Pastors Wife. I try to let whom ever is over the ministry do what they feel led to do by Jesus! I do however find it a great honor to be asked!
I would love for you to join us! I can't wait to spend to days with Jesus loving women who just want to glean from His word in worship, teaching and fellowship!
just leave me a  comment If your interested and I will get you the info you need!
The sweltering heat has kept me inside most of this month! I haven't been able to enjoy my wonderful patio!
However it has been nice to get out some during the day with Christian getting her permit! That has been a huge blessing we both have enjoyed! Probably me more than her!
I have finished the second chapter in A Place For Hollie and will begin working on the third one today! I hope to write a 9 chapter children's book and have it published! I am very excited I can't wait. Please pray for the adventure! I really want to make a children's book as well that goes along with the chapter book for younger kids.
As crazy as this month has been and as sick as I have been! I have so many wonderful things to be thankful for. I don't have time to set around and feel sorry for myself because  I have lupus!and I am in pain... Instead I can thank Jesus. For all the things I have learned during this time with my Daddy!
These past few years have been a time of learning and strengthening for me ! I wouldn't change a thing!
I almost forgot to tell one my most exciting things yet! Our ALOF girls were asked to be apart of a demonstration for a historical day event in September! We are over the moon excited and honored to be asked to be apart of the special day!
 Yes, yes one more thing! We went shopping for the bridal party dresses for my oldest daughters wedding! Now that was an event with in it's self lol! However I found a formal gown with pockets eeek!!! I was so excited excited the girls could here me outside the dressing room!

I am over moon with this dress it's prettier on than on the hanger. Those pockets won me over! lol
I am excited for the day when all this comes together!
Welp I have rambled enough this morning. 
So in closing I want to say this.... My life may not be what I had in mind! It's exactly what Jesus had in mind though! He makes no mistakes at all!
I am very thankful for the me He has created for such a time as this!
Thanks for stopping by! If you would please pray for me! I hope you are as excited for September as I am!!!

The pumpkins are coming! Sigh......

When You Are Unsure Of The Unknown

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

I woke up much earlier for this morning and very much unable to go back to sleep.
So I tried all so hard to quietly attempt to make  it from my bedroom to the living room, with my rollalator (walker with wheels lol).
I thought at first I would do my morning quiet time and then my morning exercises and then scroll on my phone.
My Daddy (aka God incase your new here) He was like ummm I think I laid something on your heart last night to share. Of course I am gonna whine and cry because now that I have done four pages of exercises I am tired! It's hard being me most days! My Daddy said Shellie put your big girl panties on and blog what I shared with you! So here we are! He wins every time!

My life is always filled with many ups and downs. Highs and lows, I can guess you can even say rock bottom too.
 Yet how do we respond to the unknown in our lives.
Do you get mad or God and stomp your feet because your afraid of the unknown.
Do we stop talking to Him because we know we are His favorite and this silence has to stop.
Or do we simply walk away and say if God is so good why would He let this happen.

I Kinda left the Dr's office that way yesterday.. Not the first one but stomp your feet mad lol.
I had a pericardial effusion when I was discharged from the hospital the last time. Because of reoccurring symptoms and swelling. I will go Thursday for a repeat echo. Her very words if its still small we leave it alone if its larger we will have to drain it again! 
All I wanted to do is scram to the top of my lungs I have had enough!?!
How many of you want to scream you have had enough?
We all have those moments! It's what we do with them is what counts!
Even though I wanted to kick and scream! Can I share something with you I have before, Ugly cried. It wasn't pretty at all!
I choose not to get mad about the unknown. 
The unknown can be so many things! Someone you love committed suicide, you lost your job, you and your husband is having trouble, your having troubles with your teenage kid, ministry is in disarray, you don't have money to pay your bills, your health is failing you, or you thought something you had prayed for was gonna happen then it didn't.
Man I could type for days!
I was talking to my Daddy last night about my health and some decisions I may be faced to make. I want to make the best decision because there is a lot at stake.

The Unknown....... I spilled my heart out to Him as I fell asleep in His arms just telling all about my broken heart.
These are the things He showed me.
1~ He will NEVER LEAVE ME or forsake me !
Hebrews 13:5
2~When I go through the DEEP WATERS HE will be with you.
Isaiah 43:2
3~Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Ephesians 4:2-3
4~Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.
5~"For I will restore your health to you and heal you of all your wounds," Says the Lord.
Jeremiah 30:17

God promised me last night He wasn't going anywhere! I didn't need to be afraid he would always be there  even if He is silent ! For Him to tell me He's going into the deep waters with me, He's going into the darkest battle I could ever face and with Him by my side I will always come out on the winning side always!
He wants me to be careful about who I talk to and share my fears with! Because what they might pour into my is anger and resentment.
His word promises to restore my health either here on earth or in heaven one day and I promise! I m okay with either!
Sometimes He can't give us the desires of our hearts because that is not in His plan for us ! 

I spent a really long time taking all this in... So what do we do with the Unknown?
We trust Him!
I have been recently asked was I mad at God? I asked for what?
The person replied this, Shellie you have gained so much weight due to steroids, you are so sick, and you need assistance to get around even when you go to church you use a wheelchair, and you have lost life as you known it.
The Unknown....
I replied almost laughing! No I am not mad at God! Yes I am heavier than I have ever been! But I am alive and my size does not determine beauty it comes from inside!
I may be sick and yes my body has a lot to deal with SLE Lupus is no joke and loves to attack my heart and lungs! But there is someone out there much worse than I am. I am thankful for the gift of each new day!
I may need a walker, cane, wheelchair, and a shower chair! SO what they are just accessories that make my outfits look good lol!
All though I have lost a lot I am happy I have learned so much through this process! God is so very good to me! 
I have realized our lives are stories others are watching and reading! I want God to look good!
I am not md its very hard to be mad when you live a life of thankfulness!
I choose to be thankful for each and every day! God so very good! How can I not be thankful for my everyday blessings!
But even still the unknown comes up from time to time and we need our Daddy's reassurance!
My Unknown is a scary surgery whether it would be just to drain a effusion again the recovery time is long and hard. Or if it meas we strip the pericardial sack from the heart. Its a long bloody surgery with high risk! 
This morning the unknown isn't too scary! My Daddy is gonna be with me and I am so excited to have His promises to remember to get me through each day!
I am not sure if someone reading has a unknown.... God knows though! Talk to Him and let Him reassure you the very same way He did me! He love us so very much! 
If you have an unknown you would like for me to pray about. I would be more than happy to add you to my prayer list. Simply reply in comments please pray for me! That's all you need to say unless you feel okay to share more! 

Thank you for stopping by and letting me share my heart with you! God's got our unknown even when we are unsure He never is!
I am prying for you always ! I hope you will come by again soon! 
Prayerfully Yours,

Just Checking In

Monday, July 22, 2019

Happy Monday friends! It has been a long and busy weekend! My lupus is in full swing with a nasty flare... But I am thankful I have been able to push through and do things that was important to me to be apart of.
We had a farewell and good luck party to one of the young men in our church who Joined the Navy Sea Bees. We all sent him off with love and prayers!
Sunday was busy busy! Children's church had an ice cream social and Bible store! Let me just say they  were more than a little excited to build their own sundays! Nothing like crushed cookies, chocolate and strawberry syrup,strawberry preserves, and 3 flavors of ice cream! We have celebrated summer with a camping theme this summer! The kids earned this party! 
They also got free time to play in their city!
We have  a wonderful group of kids and we are growing ! We are super excited see what God is going to do with us!
I love being apart of children's.church but it's hard on my body right now! So please pray for me! I want to make best decision.
Yesterday afternoon we had A Life Of Faith Girls Club!
Oh this ministry is so close to my heart! I read these books  with my girls

These books bring so many memories of their girlhood! Days filled with imagination, playing dolls, pretending to live in the 1800's,and countless tea parties. When we started the A Life Of Faith Club. It allowed us to share these same things with other girls! The things the girls learn so much about Jesus form the books and curriculum. It truly is one of the highlights of the month! Trust me when I say I love going BIG getting ready for these moments! So this month we had a tea party and of course we had to use china a beautiful teapots! This group loves 18 inch dolls! Some did not have one... One our younger teens who recently went from being apart of the meeting donated 3 my life dolls for those who didn't have one! They were so excited! One of the young girls cried it was humbling! It's a reminder of what a simple gift of something you no longer use does for someone!
They were so cute all dressed up for tea!

I love how small and intimate our group is right now! It allows them to grow a strong close nit relationships! We were missing 3 for different reasons ! Yet we had a wonderful time learning about Jesus, having tea with amazing desserts, and play time with their dolls!
I can make this stuff happen without this amazing girl! She is my arms and legs each and every day ! I am blessed God chose me to be her Mom!

The week to come is going to be a busy one! My oldest and my son in love just bought their first home! So we hope to help them as much as possible! I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday to help getting pain control ! Please help me pray we get relief. On top of that I need to clean house and do my weekly goals  my physical therapy gave me! So I have another busy week for me ahead! I pray that I can do it all! If not it's okay to take care of me! This what's going on at my house the is weekend and this week! I pray you and your family have a blessed weekend and a wonderful week ahead! I am praying for you and your families! 
I will be back mid week! See ya then! 
Prayerfully Yours ~Shellie~

The Ramblings Of A Pastors Wife, Mom,& Lupus fighter

Friday, July 19, 2019

 Wow is all I really can say! The best thing I know to say! It has been a very wild couple of months! I have had a hospital stay! My oldest daughter got married the day I came out of the hospital! 
It was a intimate ceremony at the venue she has chosen for for her bigger ceremony in November!

I am truly blessed to have my oldest to find the one God made just for her! The close on their house on Monday ! I am so proud of the deciding they love each other enough to do things the way God wanted them to!

My youngest who has always had a fear of driving got her permit today! I am so excited even though she was unsure she did it! 

She also started a blog today if you would like to check it out here is her link:

We are so proud of our girls and son and love!
I have trying my best to kick lupus hiney! It has knocked me down, I have always gotten right back up! Thank goodness God is always there bad my side!
Even though we have had some very hard days !
I have hit some milestones of my own! 
I went through physical therapy! It has helped a whole bunch! But has kicked my but at times!
It did help get some help with somethings I needed them and really didn't know I did !
Shower chairs are an amazing thing ! I love it, showers are so much easier and I love them.
They have given me the goal of going into my craft room one hour a day! I have been able to sew a few things.
                             Matching girl and Doll dresses

I  have loved getting back in the groove of crafting ! I spending time sewing ! All of the above were gifts! I loved seeing the little girls smiles who received them !

The other goal was to cook a meal one time a day! That has been good but it is very tiring!
I uses a rollerater, a cane, and a wheelchair when I go out. I don't let those things bother me ! Because I am thankful for each day that I open my eyes! It is a gift denied to many. All though some look at me and see the weight my meds have packed on to me ... I am not concerned with what others  think of me! I am just thankful for each day I wake up and get to be with my family and praise my Jesus!
I am looking forward to this week end! The A Life Of Faith Girls Club at church will be having a afternoon tea! I am so very excited! Please pray my body will allow it! 
I have also been working on Hollie's story ! I am almost done with Chapter two! I can wait to publish it!
I believe I will have this one paper published ! I love the way it flows!
I hope your not board out of your mind lol! Is any one else experiencing a heat wave ? The weather here is scorching ! Is is literally to hot to bee out side for any length of time! I haven't been able to go out side and watch the birds at all due to the heat. This heat has me longing for fall! As crazy as
this sounds the summer is just as bad as the cold. The cold makes my joints hurt! But the heat and barometric pressure make me fatigued and my joints and body hurt all over! 
Before I head out, I have special prayer request for a friend of mine and her family. They are a ministry family like mine and are being considered by a church! Please pray God opens the door for them!
Well I hope not to be gone so long next time! I hope you enjoyed stopping by! 
I haope you have an amazing weekend!
Prayerfully yours ~ Shellie ~

Even In The Darkness

Wednesday, June 26, 2019

I was setting outside on the patio tonight. Just taking in all of God's creation. I couldn't help but stand in awe of all the beauty of a summer night.
The sweet serenade of crickets in the background of the hum of traffic still on the move out front.
Even the traffic could not drown out Gods orchestra. I could even hear the call of bull frog in the distance. As the blanket of night began to cover all that the light touches.
As if my Daddy in heaven was telling the world He created it's time to rest!
The birds all nestled in their nest, even a family of bunnies that live in the thicket near by were spied hopping of to bed.
While the fireflies light up my yard as a sweet reminder there can be beauty in darkness.
Especially when we are surrounded by our creators handy work all around. All five senses are entertained! The smell of of freshly cut grass and roses drifted through the air, natures perfume at it's finest. On such a beautiful night. The stars and the moon are playing peek a boo in the night sky.
It's these simple gifts that are reminders Gods always near!
Our battles maybe hard but He is still showing His beauty!

This week has been hard.... After another hospitalization late last week. My body has not wanted to bounce back as quickly. 
New things being put in place.... He's showing me instead of changing my situation He is teaching me to love and live with hope and grace.
That each new challenge He will be there to help me face it!
The answer maybe No but I am never alone! 
Fighting back with Hope! 
The HOPE that tomorrow is a new day! He is gonna give me beauty for all of these ashes ! His word says so!
Hope to never be bitter or to give up just because it isn't the life we dreamed of!
His fairytale ending is always the best! 
Love and Prayers,
Lupus Fighter

Night Time Reasons To Be Thankful

Friday, June 14, 2019

I believe my body hates me! I have not felt well at all today.... I have ran a high fever and just have not been my new normal.... I have so many things to be thankful for... I don't want to complain! 
So since my body has me wide awake with pain. I want to list at least 5 things I am thankful for! I know its not the season of Thanksgiving ! Yet its a a proven fact we can not be in a state of ungratefulness if we are in a state of Thanksgiving in all things! 
So here we go! 
1- I am thankful for the pain because it is a reminder that God isn't done with me here yet!
2- I am thankful for my husband who does the most thoughtful things just to make me smile! One of the things I love to do most is watch birds in the mornings and evening! My sweet guy surprised me with a new feeder this evening!

I love that he chose one that had the butterfly on it! 
3- I am thankful for butterflies! I met a very young preachers wife one time who impacted me in a big way! I had shared my story with her and and she told me you need to choose one thing God can show you when you need to know He is close but you feel He is miles away! I chose the butterfly! It was already special to me because it represents a new life in Christ! I prayed that afternoon that when I couldn't feel Him to send a butterfly to remind me He is close! I promise you He has! He has allowed me to know that He hasn't forgotten on many days! My Mom is a stage 3b adenocarsonoma lung cancer survivor! One morning after being told my Mom would not live past 6 months I was at my kitchen sink praying as I washed dishes! When I looked up the whole little hill side outside my window. Was covered in butterflies! I have had them  fly before my car on the way to critical doctor appointments. Had a nurse to be wearing one her badge and I see it right before being put to sleep! He used that butterfly to remind me He hasn't gone anywhere!
4- I am thankful I have raised girls who love Jesus and their parents! My girls are amazing to me and their Dad! I am so blessed we were chosen to be their parents!
5- The love for writing ! Whether it is a post like this or a story! A blog post spent talking about my crafting on my doll blog.I am blessed I have been given the love for it! There are days that writing is the only outlet I have! I am thankful for the opportunity to use it! I spent some time today one the doll blog! Maybe you have a little girl in your life you would like to spend sometime crafting with check out today's post! Just follow the link!

Already after taking the time to list 5 things I am grateful for I am relaxed and I think I may be able to rest and relax. I hope that if you stop by whether at night or in the morning! I hope God has blessed you and your loved ones with a good nights rest and a reason to be thankful!
Prayerfully Yours ~Shellie

Deciding For Yourself

Thursday, June 13, 2019

I was on the couch earlier tonight and my daughter showed me a post that someone who had posted that offended her. 
It gave me the opportunity to share with her that just because someone feels something is inadequate , doesn't mean that it truly is.
I couldn't get that out of my head even when it came time to go to bed tonight....
How many times have we let someones thoughts, opinions, and voices shape how we view things.
Oh my goodness for my own self more times than not in the past. I was so eager to be accepted especially in the ministry world. I often followed what others thought and said just because I trusted the people who I let influence my life and shape my opinions.
But my oh my did that get me in more trouble than I had bargained for!
Because years later when I grew in my relationship with Jesus and truly understood what true grace meant. I soon learned what I had been told by others instead of really seeking the truth and reading up on things and truly seeing for myself what my Jesus said ! I was truly trapped in a pit of opinions and religious rules. Not what my Daddy in heaven truly wanted for me!
It taught me to research who I read behind, Who I listen too, Who I allow in my personal circle, who gets to shape my opinions. More importantly does it line up with Gods Word. No two people will always agree or even always interpret things the same way...
My heart was at such ease when I grabbed my chrome book tonight to type my thoughts out! I am over joyed and so blessed that God has allowed me to grow in Him! To bring me to a place where I can decide for myself. If Iam unsure, agree, or disagree. I can reserach and decide for me! 
My heart was even happier to know that I have been able to be the God girl I am the best version of me ....
Because I let Him shape me...
I have been able to teach my own girls the same thing! This is a big big world.
Let God use you and grow you in the ways He chooses ! Because the person He is calling you to be is not the person He called me to be! The person I may help needs what He equiped me with, The same for you! 
So don't take someone elses word, find out for yourself! Then still remain calm and cool and carry on being who God called you to be! Let the other person do the same! 
I just had to share...
I hope you have wonderful day filled with blessings! Thank you for stopping by ! 
Prayerfully Yours