Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Not what I wanted to hear....

Today has been a long eventful day again ... After the returning of the fever and excruciating pain my hubby made a Drs appointment for today... I tried to argue but well it didn't do any good at all... 
 I didn't figure the news would be exactly what I wanted to hear ... But I wasn't prepared for what he had to say either... So the fever, excruciating pain when I breathe, severe shortness of breathe, and fatigue are coming from the heart condition pericarditis .... So we added two more medicines to the growing list. Then my sweet dr told me this wasn't going away anytime soon ... If I don't have any improvements in 7 days I will need to see a cardiologist ! We are looking at the end of May before we know just what to expect from my heart.... 
    That's not what a 38 active women wants to hear.... I have lost all quality of life .... Since March first... Well life as I knew it is better fitting ... Tomorrow will mark one month exactly ! 
So as I have looked back over this month these are the things I have learned from all this ....
 Positivity is a must ... There is no room for negative thoughts ! My faith has grown even more because I know God has got this ! Goals are ment to be set and not met .... That's okay because some goals are just going to take a lil longer ! I am stronger than I give myself credit for.... I need my family on so many levels! I have the most most amazing husband and daughters in all the world!!! I can live in a one room apartment ! I have for a month now lol! However I do miss the big house .... It's okay to ask for help, it's not a sign of weakness it's actually a strength, I have grown so much closer to God ! Not all Drs are bad ! I still prefer natural medicine over modern but sometimes you need both.... I can be real creative on how to pass time when you are confined to one area all day! That I really do need coffee in my life in more way than one lol .... That no matter what the outcome Gods got this ! He is in control.... I have to take each day as it comes wether it's a easy or hard day .... 
Thats just some of my lessons .... I am sure by the time May gets here that list will surly have grown ... 
Even though I still understand why all this is happened ... As long as Hod gets glory that's all that matters .... So I will leave with scripture tonight ..... 

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Jeremiah 29:1 (KJV)

I am so glad He does.... Praying you have a blessed night .... Thanks for sharing this journey with me !

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Taking a break !

Wow ! Sorry I missed a day and I'm so late posting !!!! The past two days have not been my best .... Yesterday was not good all day and left me nauseous from pain ... Woke up even today ! I have started running a fever again and to take a breathe causes excruciating pain .... So I will be going back to the doctor tomorrow ! 
    However last night I woke up several times and so I took that time to talk to my Jesus !!! During our talks, He revealed somethings to me ... Some was not easy to swallow ... Like how much time I spent on social media ... When I could be spending that time with Him... So I decided today to take a 21day social media fast ... Then I will go from there.... I have spent the time today I would have spent on social media reading a book! I loved every minute of it! Then I this evening I spent some time in Gods word and writing in my prayer journal ... I was so pleased with how much time I spent with the Lord today! I am super excited about how much I can grow and come to know my Jesus more! 
   He even reminded me myself worth is not found in my circumstance or others .... His change for me is coming I just have to trust Him! I won't lie my feelings had gotten kinda hurt some of the one I thought would keep in touch with me through all of this I haven't heard a word from.... Jesus reminded me that some people are only ment for a season.... Quit trying to keep what He has already closed the door on ... So I released those people to Him ....I love when the Lord already starts to heal ... What I feel is broken .... 
   My God is so amazing and so worthy of all my praise ! 
Well guys , my medicine is starting to kick in so , it is time to take of me and go to bed ! Thanks for stopping by ! I hope you all sleep well tonight and have a blessed day tomorrow !!!! 

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Happy Easter !

   Today I celebrate a risen Saviour ! Because He lives, I am now saved by grace! I am the child of a King! Who will one day spend eternity with her Dad !!! Ohh my now that is something to shout about!!!! What a difference three days can make ! 
This has been okay weekend ... Yesterday I was able to set up in the wheelchair for about 4 1/2 hours! It was only suppose to be 2 however I wa coloring and time got away with me lol.... I still can not take more than about 12 steps and I am left gasping for air .... So in order to get a long distance the wheel chair is a necessity and a blessing, being I can only have my rescue inhaler 3 times a day! It felt good to be up off the chase ... Can't lie it left me tired exhausted and very swollen .... But it was worth it....
       Today has been filled with blessings ! I had made my mind up earlier in the week that I wanted to be at church this morning even if it ment being in a wheelchair !!!! Guess what I made it! God allowed me to be able to style my hair curly last night !!thats a big deal right now ! I'm not suppose to inhale my type of chemicals !!! My lungs are very fragile right now... By being able to stile it curly it ment less fuss this morning ! So I set my clock for 7am got up and set in a chair got dressed... By 9:15 we had made it to church ! I can not explain the excitement that swept over me when we pulled into the parking lot! It was so good to be in fellowship with my church family, to see all my lil people, worship my Jesus, and here Gods word preached! It was the medicine my soul needed!!!! 
 I praise my Jesus for giving me the strength to do it ! Because I want to honest physically it was very challenging! In more than one way !!! 
       Because I felt it was important to be in church this morning, we let our families know we wouldn't be attending family meals this year! I missed them but boy was I glad I did ! I was completely and totally wiped out after church! I have a lot of swelling after church .... So we swung through Bojangles drive through for some quick lunch came home changed into some pjs ate ant took a 3 hour nap lol and to honest I could have slept longer ! But it was all worth it... I know JESUS is pleased with my love for Him! With all that has gone on the past 27 days, it's a reminder never take any day for granted at all, wether your day turned out nothing like you hoped or it was more than you dreamed, it's a gift God gave just to you! Find the joy in that gift even if it not what you hoped for ! He makes no mistakes ! He's got this ... He will give beauty for my ashes, He will get glory, and I know He will restore my health!  It's just gonna take His timing ..... 
     My family is missing several loved ones at dinners this year ... Jesus called them to be with them... I miss them as well but this has been a reminder my family could be missing me like that ... But they aren't ... Things may not be perfect but Because of God they are good non the less because He makes no mistakes.... I am blessed to be here with my family and serve my Lord ! 
I look forward to next week, I don't know what it will hold but no matter what I know my Jesus will walk each and every step of it with me !!!! I pray that each of you have had a blessed Easter ! Celebrating a risen Saviour !!! Who's love paid the ultimate price for someone who could never be worthy ... He said, I am His and to Him I was worth it ... I know I can never ever repay Him ! But I do know I will spend a lifetime praising Him ! My Jesus, My Reedmer 💜
I want to leave you with this scripture 

He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. Matthew 28:6 

I am glad to know the tomb is empty! He conquered death, hell, and the grave! 
Thanks for stopping by Hope it's been a blessing to you in some way !!!! Happy Easter! 

Friday, March 25, 2016

A Rough Few Days ....

Wow is all I know to say .... This quote is on point it has been quite a few days in our home .... We celebrated our youngest daughter sweet sixteen birthday yesterday! It was anything but what we all had hoped for ! I am so glad we have a ball planned for her this summer !!! She hadn't been feeling well and we are pretty sure now she has had the flu .... Yesterday was her worst day yet! The night before my oldest comes home from work vomiting! So she still wasn't feeling well yesterday ! So if that wasn't enough I ran a high fever all day yesterday ! 
I truly feel like the waves are hitting the rocks.... Today is some better for both of my girls praise The Lord! For me however I have still not felt well at all ! I woke early with death gripping chest pains, then when I get up to go to the bathroom I find myself in major trouble with my breathing! This doesn't happen just one time today ... But multiple times warrenting me to use my rescue inhaler !!! On a happier not my voice is a lil stronger today showing signs that it may soon come back ! That makes me a very happy girl ! I know it will make my family happy as well !!!! It's hard to hear someone who is barely a whisper !!! Even with that ray of sunshine today has been extremely hard for me, I promised you guys to be honest about my journey ... So I will say today has been filled with waves of frustration that could only cured with help from my Dad (Jesus) ..... He reminded me to be thankful in everything even the bad days .... My sweet girl thought a change in scenery may help a little so she straightened up the apartment moved some stuff around ... Set a table up for next week to have tea... Something to look forward to.... I tried to find things to keep my busy on my chase that I normally don't do... So if you know me well, you know that I am a avid doll collector ! I have rarely met a doll I don't just adore lol... My sweet hubby surprised me with a new one the other day ! I was surprised and excited! So I spent sometime dressing babies on the chase .... Anything to keep my mind focused on something other than obvious challenges at hand! Then the Lord sent a sweet friend to visit .. That always brightens my day ! I had several text and phone calls ... Phone calls are hard on me and who ever is straining to hear my voice ... Talking for long periods leaves me breathless .... 
    Then my Jesus reminded of how special today is ! You see it's Friday He would take my sins upon Him and because of His grace !!!!! Whoooo Glory !!!! Sunday is coming ! Because of the empty Grave to prove my SAVIOR Lives ! I am saved by His grace and His promises are mine ! So my healing is coming .... I can continue to praise Him !!!! For He is worthy !!!! 
So I shall wake and take tomorrow as it comes ... Praying it for some more improvements.... Even if they don't come as I hope tomorrow, I will praise Him anyways !
I read this verse today in my quite time ... It's so fitting .... 
Isaiah 41:13 For I, the Lord your God,hold your right hand;it is I who say to you, “Fear not,I am the one who helps...
Ihave no reason to fear .... Thank you for stopping by and for your prayers ! 
            Here is a picture of my new baby my sweet hubby got me !!! Isn't she cute !

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Where does time go !?!

It's has been 23 days today ... I have been thinking and reflecting about this journey all day today ... I see God all over it ! His miracles, protection, and love! There is still so much more for Him to do and I must remain patient knowing He's got this!!!! 
    I was thinking earlier today about a few events leading up to my surgery .... How I reacted and if I wouldn't have woken up how my family would have forever been changed .... I mentioned before how busy our lives are !!! Before all the new normals for now happened .... We get caught up in actions and others opinions and we forget to love those wholeheartedly we love the most!!! 
    I have learned so much through this journey ....One thing is for sure ! I will be more focused and not as rushed ever again ! When I say focused I mean what important to my home ! It will be okay to say no! To let others know that my family needs me in another area right now..... 
I will be intentional with my time and the things I do ...I may even dare say have a schedule for my weekdays ! If I can not slot the time the answer will be no for sure ... That will be okay ...'I know that that may be so much easier typed than put into place when I am no confined ....'I am however a true believer that God lets us experience storms for many reasons ! This storm is no different ! 
My youngest daughter will turn 16 tomorrow I have reflected back over the years today ... She is such an amazing inspiration to all she meets ! With an incredible story to tell! Even when I look back of the pot holes, curves, dropoffs, and road blocks in the road of her childhood.... I am thankful for the straight smooth roads that we able to heal her her broken heart ! The hours of playing with her dolls, dressing up, playing with friends, and going to church ..... They were intentional and had shaped her into she is !!! Bright , Beautiful inside and out, thrives to live, artistic and beyond talented beautiful young woman .... Some are not aware ... But I am not ashamed ...because Jesus prevailed and has brought healing !!!! But her 14th Birthday wasn't so happy for her ... She was in a very dark place... She had been severely bullied and had not told a sole the extent of it except her diary ....'I'll never forget the morning the Lord allowed me to stumble across her diary laying out in the open ... He spoke to my heart and told me to read it !!!! I'm glad I listened .... My baby was sucicidle, had been starving herself because she had been told she was fat and ugly and no one would ever love her ..... She didn't want to celebrate her Birthday .... I am so glad she let God do the healing of her heart !!! Because she is stronger than any other girl her age I know ! She takes a stand against bullying and eating disorders !
That storm is another testament that storms  they are ment to change us ! We just have to be willing !!! I am beyond willing to change for my Lord ! Just like my sweet girl .... 
There still has not been any major changes ... I actually have felt really bad today ...'I'm am stepping my steroids down that may be culprit ... But I know that even though time goes so quickly He's teaching me, changing me , and preparing me !!! When I walk out of this storm no matter how ! I will be better for Him because of it !!!! Please pray for sissy as well on the eve of her sweet 16 she is sick running a fever with flu like symptoms !!!! I know God has her healing to ! No Mommy wants their baby sick on their Birthday !!!! Thank you for being apart of my journey ! 
Isaiah 40:8 says this ......8The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand for ever. 
That means His promises are true !!! So I will praise Him in the hallway agin today ... I know He's healed me! I'm just waiting for my change !

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Good News

Good morning ! I am awake much earlier than my normal for me! It's okay thought I love the sound of the birds chirping happily outside my windows this morning ! Singing praises to my Lord! The sun is shining brightly today! That makes my days easier .... 
I am sorry for not posting yesterday ! My day was very busy and tiring ! So I had to put rest as a priority and not my blog lol. I wanted to share some very good news though !!!! 
We seen the ENT yesterday ! My vocal chords are not paralyzed! Praise The Lord ! After scoping me she has found some serious sighns of acid reflux ! The acid is reaching into my throat and I am not even aware.... It has caused some irritating effects to my tonsils and my larynx ! Good news of all of it is my voice will return ! She hopes soon ! She started me on a new medicine for the acid. She does want me to see a speech therapist ... They will call me with a consult appointment. This will be to strengthen the muscles I am sure ... I have a list of questions for them this morning ! God is so good !!! I'm still whispering today but knowing it will return makes my heart so happy !!! Children's ministry is such a huge part of my life ! I really can not imagine not being able to teach .... I can't wait to return ! 
I am still walking to the bathroom unassisted ! I still get very out of breath and require the use of a rescue inhaler... But today's goal is to make it to the sectional beside my chase and set for at least an hour and short distance walk even if I need my walker .... Main thing is to move around and try to build some strength up ! My chest pains have continued sadly even waking my up .... For now I will use the higher dosage of my pain meds at night so I can rest comfortable.... Today marks three weeks since my surgery .... I can look back and see Gods handprints all over this !!! He is so very good !!!! 
Christian resumed homeschooling yesterday ! So I am meeting goals and I find joy in each day even when it's hard at times .... 
Yesterday I was able to convince my sweet hubby to take me to Walmart to finish Christians Birthday shopping ! I rode in my wheelchair ! It has became a necessity to have, that I am much grateful for .... It was nice to get out but very overwhelming at the same time ... It was a very strong reminder not to take the daily gifts God gives us for granted.... Like the use of our legs to walk long distances and our lungs to breathe easily... I know he has a plan and I am thankful for my each day and my journey !!! He's good and worthy to be praised !!!! In all things !!!! I have a special prayer request ! Please help me pray ! I really would like to attend Easter worship services Sunday ! For the whole morning start to finish to get me back home would be 5 hours ..... I really want to do this ! Please pray I will feel up to it ! I don't mind missing the family dinners and functions ! I would love to celebrate my risen Savior in the house of the Lord on Resureaction Sunday !!!! God is able .... 
Thanks for sharing my journey with me ... I hope you can see Hods handy work through all of this ! I would like toe leave you with this verse of scripture today ! 

For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you.Philemon 7 (ESV)

Sunday, March 20, 2016

What a Difference a Day Can Make!

I am beyond excited this afternoon !!! Almost giddy really !!!! I just have to praise my Jesus!!!! I walked from the chase to the bathroom today with out my walker !!!!! Yep that's right ! With out my walker,My God Is Good!!!!!! Now grant it is only like 12 steps but, it's 12 steps more than I have been able to take! Please continue to pray, I still get very out of breathe when I move around. It's like I am suffocating. My heart rate goes crazy and sets off chest pain. It's worth the effort though! I know Jesus helped me so I could see what I Know He is doing in me ! 
Thank you so much for all who prayed for me to rest better last night ! I slept thru the night until 9 am with out waking up at all ! That's a new record ! I normally am wake every 3 hrs . God heard your prayers and I felt them ! Thank you so much for lifting me up!
    I missed church agin this morning ... That's hard for me ... However I enjoyed time alone with Him in His word and prayer time! I then spent some quite time coloring in my inspirational coloring book.... I love to focus on Gods word in many different ways! One of my dear friends and I have been communicating thru letters for awhile now! I love it it's such a lost art... I truly enjoy receiving and writing in return. She shared with me a few letters back drawing a picture with a scripture verse each day. The fifteen minutes spent reflecting and drawing helps to engrave the image in your mind so when you see it again it reminds you of Gods Word ! I instantly fell in love with it ! I haven't felt up to it lately so my coloring book was a way to still have that extra time with the Lord! I adore time with my heavenly Dad.... Not to mention how relaxing coloring can be !!! I think I may frame some of the pictures when I get better and hang them up ! I love having Gods Word displayed in my home!!!
Tomorrow is a big day for us we will visit the Ear Nose and Throat Dr about the loss of my voice. I think of all the things we have delt with this one is the hardest for my family... I know God has plan and this too shall pass ... I promise to share the news when we get home tomorrow evening... Hope all of you have enjoyed this Lords Day ! Thanks for stopping by ... Praying for my sweet friend out there too !


Saturday, March 19, 2016

Waiting .....

I know I am healed I am just waiting for my change .... These words I have echoed through my heart and mind for days now! Faith is believing in what we can not see! I trust my Jesus, He has no limitations! 
Last night was one of the worst nights I have had since I came home... Waking up at 3am with death gripping chest pains gasping for air is scary enough with out it lasting till late morning. All of that is from pericarditis. I was so excited I had been trying to back off my pain medication ... Yet I am thankful for it because even though I have had to go back up to the ordinal dose God created it so I don't have to suffer! For that I am most thankful! So today has been about positive thoughts and resting.... That is totally okay.... The sunshine outside maybe hidden but the Son in my heart shines bright enough to keep my heart light and happy.... My sweet daughters take shifts helping their Daddy out so he could return to work! I am so blessed with such amazing girls! My youngest Christian is my nurse today! She is so kind and amazing .... She goes far and beyond her teenage years....She is so compassionate and loving... She makes sure my every need is met and more.... 
We are a homeschool family and I am very proud of that. I see all the years of teaching them to be kind compassionate towards others needs through years shine very bright in all they do and all they encounter. It's makes my heart so blessed for the years investing in them at home... Time goes by way to quickly... The years of memories being made are worth every sacrifice to make it happen. 
So today I will enjoy the memories made sharing favorite classic movies with my sweet girl.... Maybe try to squeeze in some writing in between naps lol.... After not sleeping last night I am finding it very hard to stay awake today! However my sweet hubby would say that's an answered prayer.... Because before he left for work this morning he laid beside me on the chase, wrapped his arms around me and prayed for me .... Part of his prayer was rest... So I will be thankful for God answered prayers.... I hope your enjoying your Saturday with your families making memories to last a lifetime. Even in the smallest ways ! Thanks for stopping by and your prayers! I will close today with this promise from a Gods word! 
 - And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him. James 5:15

Friday, March 18, 2016


Today has been an okay day .... I have felt very wiped out .... No real game changing activities today, to cause such a change.... I just don't feel good. Don't worry I haven't given up on my goals though! They are important ! I just haven't worked on all of them lol. 
I did start the morning with a very sweet visit with one of my dearest and closest friends and her princess! That's medicine for the heart and soul! It was just nice to have all that energy around me for a few hours! Her lil princess snuggled up on the chase with me and whispered about Disney, princesses, and babies! My favorites !!! She made me smile ! Today was a day of some realities though.... I had to get honest with myself with the limitations I am facing at the moment. It's the week before my youngest 16th Birthday ! Tomorrow I should be hosting a Once Upon A Time Formal Sweet 16 Birthday Ball! The plans are to die for and a dream any princess would love to have.... We had to cancel our initial date and try to reschedule... When we first rescheduled I just new things would have been more progressed than has ... I realized today that we will now have to put her ball off till Summer ....Now she is totally okay with this ... She has told me repeatedly all that matters is that I get better... My Mommy heart is not liking this... Birthdays have always been a grand celebration in our home.... 
It's just a new hurdle for me to wrap around my heart and mind. As I spent sometime in prayer earlier God reminded me all things will come in time.... He makes no mistakes in any delay.... Easter is also around the corner Reserection Sunday and Christmas are my favorite holidays !!! They mean so very much to me! I dawned on me I am not prepared for that either. I am not even sure I will be able to attend church Easter. My pastors wife's heart is having a hard time with that! I need to be there! I'm missing my lil people at church. So today I am reminded to take a deep breathe its temporary. God makes no mistakes . It will be okay in the end! My heart is going to have to allow others help do what I do! Knowing they can do it just as well as I can... 
So today's blog may not be as up beat as the others but, I promised to share my heart and my journey with you... This is where my journey is today.... I am trusting the Lord tomorrow will be better ... For He knows what my heart has need of .... So I will praise Him in the hallway for He is good !!!!
I will close today with this scripture ! It is fitting ... It was from my devotion this morning... Gods timing is perfect! 
 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. 
Matthew 6:34 ESV 

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Something to laugh about ....

Today has been a eventful one.... It zaps every ounce of energy I have to get dressed for the day! Today required more than just clothes lol! We had our first visit with the lung specialist today, I wish I would have taken a picture of his expression when he heard our story and read the reports! His expression said it all ! Someone messed up... Even though I know that and I have a journey ahead he reaffirmed he thinks I will have a full recovery. My body needs time to heal. I have aspiration Pnumonia with signs of bacterial Pnumonia setting in. I had a history of Astmah as a child, the burn has resurfaced the Astmah. So for now we start more meds. 2 antibiotics a Astmah medicine and a rescue inhaler. He also scheduled a breathing test for mid April and repeated a chest x-ray! He said he hopes by the time he sees me in a few weeks he hopes my breathing will be better ! His major concern is my voice.... I have been whispering for 17 days now.... He is concerned the vocal chords are injured. I see a ENT on Monday.... He said he feels like I may need to have speech therapy.... God makes no mistakes... Sharing a report with one of my closest and dearest friends today made me realize something. I am writing again... Maybe this is Gods way to get me to finish my book? I have lots of time on my hands at the moment... As I reflected on this thought there is no reason I should be so busy I can't make time to write... It's a priority, it is going share Gods love, grace, forgiveness, goodness, and protection! It must remain a priority! So I today I set goal #6 finish my book on my childhood by December! I need not to be ashamed of what God brought me through and from ! Beauty has already came from those ashes.... He's a good good Father! He loves me! Yes my Jesus loves me !!! If your following my journey thank you! Please continue to pray! As we finished up with Drs appointments and test my hubby and I had a lunch date in the parking lot of the mall! He went inside ordered my favorite Chinese Food and we set in the truck and enjoyed each other's company. It hit me and I laughed, my Dr asked me today had it ever occurred to me I should never ever have surgery again. My history shows a long list of reasons of why I shouldn't ! I just laughed.... My Gods got this... He is good .

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31King James Version (KJV)


Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Setting Goals

Good Morning! Have the most beautiful view of the sunshine from my chase this morning !!!! I love to gaze upon Gods creation. Spring is surely in full swing here. I can see the new buds on the trees and the daffodils and dandelions springing up! It reminds that with God everything is renewed! Today is day 15 after my surgery.... I have not made major improvement and it's okay ! Because Gods Already got this! I do however have a lil exciting news !!!! I was able to stand with complete weight on me knee this morning! The first time since December !!! So praise the Lord it's healing ! I know it's gonna be as good as new soon! I have decided this morning to set some small term goals. For some goals are intimidating. For many reasons, what if I can't reach them, or I set them to high. So I have done promised myself that they must realistic and it's okay if it takes longer. Because God will bring it all full circle in His timing. So I would like to share my first 5 goals with you ! 
1- spend the first part of my morning with Jesus as I tried to keep priority ! 
2- continue our homeschool year even though I will have to change many things ! That's okay though that's one of the many joys of being a homeschool family. I make it work for us.
3- when the dr says it's okay make a goal in the apartment to walk to each day. With or with out my walker. So I can strengthen my legs and lungs. I know this will be very short distance at first. However I know I must start somewhere! So I can move back into my house lol
4- share my journey I want others to see what my Jesus can do !
5- Do something daily that makes me smile
I know these may seem like no big deal, but I promise each of these are a huge deal right this moment! 

In my devotion time this I was reminded of this verse:

Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you.2 Corinthians 13:11King James Version (KJV)

I love it ! Reminds His love and peace covers all!!! Praying each of you have an amazing day!

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Trying to Understand ......

It's been awhile since I blogged .... Life seems to keep me at a very face pace most days.... Leaving little time for blog post .... I have missed it! I have found myself with more time than I know what do with at the moment. 
On December 26,2015 I fell at the end of our driveway. I was trying to help my sweet hubby out, by pulling the trash can to the end of the drive way ! I hit a mud puddle and went flying ! I promise if someone seen they got the laugh of their life! I sprang my ankle and I really thought I had only sprang my knee. When almost a month went by and my ankle got better and my knee was worse. It lead to a series of doctors appointments. We would learn I had scuffed the cartilage on the outer part of the bone and knee cap causing rivets .... Also kinda cause a lil jagged edge to my meniscus. It would require a 20 minute arthroscopy to correct a few weeks to recover and I could return to a normal life with out crutches ! Ohh how I could not wait to ditch the crutches ! Even with all of that life was still constantly busy... As a pastors family comes with lots of demands and lots of trials of everyday life.... I was ready to not have to depend on my whole family to help me out with all they all ready had on their own plates ! I am one of those people who love to help others ! In the same token I struggle with asking for help ! 
It's crazy how things can change in the blink of an eye! The things we struggle with become what we need most ! 
On March 1,2016 I checked into out patient surgery for a knee repair. When I woke up from recovery my whole world had been turned upside down! During surgery I aspirated stomach acid into my left lung ! Causing chemical burns to my lung and my esophagus, I also suffered an injury to my heart causing pericarditis fluid on my heart. I haven't had a voice since I woke up beyond a whisper. I spent 7 days in the hospital! My small knee injury repair just turned into a nightmare. I will be the first to tell you My God Makes NO MISTAKES!!!! He will will give beauty for the ashes! So that's why I want to share this journey with you ! I do not want self pity or anyone to feel sorry for me ! My whole life as I knew it is changed at the moment ! I know it's temporary! But nothing is the same ! I am currently staying in our apartment that is attached to our home! I sleep setting straight up on a chase because my breathing is severely affected and I constantly feel like I am suffocating, I walk with the assistance of a walker and can only go a very short distance. Before my I am gasping for air, the fluid on my heart causes extreme chest pain, I need assistance having a shower, I have to set in a chair and it takes every ounce of strength I have ! My family has taken on all the things in our home I normally take care of ! We have had such an out pouring of love for my family through this !!! Our church has helped with meals, they have visited,called texted and made sure we have been taken care of. Not to mention our own family and friends who have been there !!!! One of the hardest things for me to hand off is my ministry work with the the kids ! I know it's okay thought because they are in very capable hands !!! Like I said my world I know it has changed entirely.... 
Now my list of things to get done for my family and church are scheduled Drs appointments. Keeping up with medicines. Waiting patiently for my change to come !
So I would like to keep a blog of Gods goodness through all of this ! I want others to know that even when we don't understand , God has a plan !!!! 
Today I want to share how this will forever change the way I see my husband !!!! As every marriage we have our fights! We are normal... These past few months had been a lil bumpy for us... But we were okay.... As a wife we all have to admit we take our husbands and our marriages for granted at times ! We are all guilty! Jody is an amazing man of God ! I am beyond proud to be his wife! I have already seen God use this to strengthen our marriage beyond words! Petty things that we think are so important are no longer that important! Like a spotless house, everything in order in life and ministry, the things that aren't even important enough to list. When tragedy happens all of that no longer is important. Instead the man who never left your bedside,still hasn't by the way ! He slept in the recliner at the hospital and sleeps on the couch beside the chase every night to make sure he can hear me if I need him ! He helps me bathe, dress, waits on my every need. Never once has he complained! Even when I can see he is so tired he can hardly go, he never complains! He's my king ladies !!! I have seen the love of Jesus through this man in so many ways ! He prays with me encourages me !!! Reminds me that no matter what it's okay Gods got this! I am reminded every time I look at him our love is so much more than what you can see. It does not matter if everything is falling apart around me Gods love and Jody's love makes what seem impossible possible !!!! I am so blessed to call this man mine ! I will close today's blog with a few lyrics from a song my sweet hubby shared with me before he had to return to work today.... I could tell it was a struggle for him to decide on what was best for him to do ! My sweet girls are looking after their Mom while he has to be gone ! However before he left he shared this song he heard last night while listening to TD Jakes... After we listened to it together and silent tears fell.... He joined me on the chase and wrapped his arms around me and prayed with me! These words are my testimony !!!! I will praise God in the hallway till I see it come to pass then I will shout it for all to hear! "Yes I am healed by the WORD of GOD! It's already done! I'm just waiting for my change to 
God created Jody and I for each other !!! He made no mistake! Be sure to let your hubby know you love and appreciate him 💕
So if you think about it lift my family up in prayer ! Gods got this!