Friday, November 18, 2016

Happy Thanks Giving

The sun had started  peeking through the blinds early this morning, as Jesus was saying rise in the quite and spend time with me .... the fleshly part of me wanted to pull the covers back up and find a more comfortable spot on the chase and sleep a little longer, the spiritual girl in me said it's time to rise girlfriend. So I did just that sleeepy, sore, moving very slow. I pepped talked my way into the family room inside the big house and did just that....
      That's when it hit me Thanksgiving is just next week ! How could that be ? Another year has almost slipped by and gone and a new year with new possibilities are just around the corner ..... the sun was coming through the window warm as a spring day .... I took sometime to reflect at what this year has held... I knew I would have a little bit before I would have coffee restrictions means you need help and you don't push it lol....
    So as I waited I asked the Lord to help me see the things I didn't see... for one reason or another ...
   He spoke to this heart and said it's all been for a reason.... this has been a tough year for my family... however I have seen His hands and feet prints all over us.
     We have became closer family... we are not as rushed and take time for one another. We realize each day is a gift and that it can be taken as quickly as it is given.
  That the things we learned early in ministry has prepared us for such a time as this.... We are seeing His promises come to pass...
    I have learned I am beautiful no matter what the world thinks because I am made in the image of God.... The worlds views are not applicable. I am invited because God has invited me and He loves me dearly.
That my husband and my relationship is stronger than it has been in years ! He will provide for us in more than one way! He wants to bless us ... all He ask is for us to follow Him even when it can be really scary... if we just let him lead He will bring blessings you can't even imagine....
     I am beyond thankful for moments like this morning. Reflecting on all He has done for us. These are just a few things at best .... trust me there are many more...
    As you gather with family with the week to come be sure to look back on the year God has given you ... Thank Him for all those blessings we have to be thankful for...
Trust me there will be many who may be facing battles they never excepted .... However I know of a Mighty God who doesn't make mistakes .... that's why sometimes we have to praise Him in the hallway and on mountain... Hope all of you have a Happy Thanks Giving! Love and prayers thanks for stopping by.

Friday, November 4, 2016

You must crawl before you walk ....

There has been many moments and I have wondered why God choose me for this life ....I have truly endured quite a bit these 40 years I have been in this world.
However all that I have been through has not compared to what I have faced this year.
I know that sounds absolutely insane ... 
The Bible teaches me that the Lord will not put more on me than I can bare. However we often miss the part of the verse that says with out a way of escape. 
On March 1,2016 everything I knew as normal was changed.
I went in for a very simple knee surgery that turned into a medical nightmare.
I had a heart surgery on April17,2016 for a heart problem that stemmed from that surgery. Life from that moment was changed.
I seen my family and ministry in a way I hadn't in a long time .... I noticed how busy this world makes us! 
How we let petty things get in the way of spending time with our family. Most of all spending quality time with our Lord.
Making our spouse feel like they are our number and our kids have our attention. 
It made pay closer attention ! 
However I am human when weight gain became a huge issue and when I struggled keeping up with everyday life, I felt like less of a woman....
After all I am only human right ... it's okay to have as I like to say moment of weakness lol.
I was praying and asking God why His answer seemed to be no... if it was would He please help me to accept the answer He had chosen for me. I wanted to be all I could be for Him no matter what!
I started to add more daily things back into my life. I returned to children's ministry, cleaning the house, preparing most of the meals, going to town, I took a trip with just me and my youngest , I even  led a Homeshool co-op. I may have been tired all the time but I was trying to make the best of what God had given me for my right now.
Among the task of making my family number two because Jesus will always be my number 1!
It was the beginning to mid September I had an allergic reaction and missed our church ice cream social. My amazing husband and girls went on with out me. I am not sure I will ever forget the panic in my daughters voice on the phone when it woke me up. Her Dad was in tremendous pain and vomiting she was taking him to the nearest ER. I could hear the fear in her voice. I told her then o would find a way to the hospital to be with them. Turns out he had a rather large kidney stone. He had battled them one time before, ten years ago. This would be the begenimg of a new battle for our family. My sweet dear hubby who never complains was in tremendous pain. He would spend the night in the hospital and have his stone blasted. After he endured the stone for a week!
It was the morning of his procedure I knew something was very wrong. I was short of breathe more than usual and the pain in my chest was the worst it had ever been ....
On the following Monday I would have a echocardiogram and be transported to Presbyterian hospital in Charlotte by ambulance!
My heart had a moderate pericardial effusion and the bottom left lobe of my lung had collapsed due to fluid on the outside of my lung !
 The roller coaster of a ride was just beginning... I was put to sleep back to back to endure very painful test... that would lead to the decision that I would need a very major heart and lung surgery.I needed a thoracotomy . This way my new medical team could access both my heart and lungs at the same time. I would come out of surgery with a eleven inch incision underneath my left shoulder blade, reaching under my arm and a chest tube.
The first few days are a blur honestly the whole hospital stay and the first few weeks were... I remember bits and pieces but not much.... I turned fourty three days after surgery and I vaguely remember it. The things I do remember are the things nightmares are made of.
However what I have learned through all of this has been life changing. God wasn't saying no ....Just hold on ...He wasn't finished yet! He had a plan I just needed to wait for Him to finish it! I feel the best I have felt since March. Except for recovery of surgery which has not been a walk in the park lol.
He showed me my husband loves me beyond words ! He has cared for me around the clock. Never leaving my side until two weeks ago when he returned to work or to preach.
He has told me countless time how beautiful I was to him even when I felt like a blimp. I gained 15-20lbs of fluid . Which I have now lost! God showed me that my family and their well being had to come first after Him! That same scared look I seen in March and April was now and is back in their eyes ....  As a wife and mom thTs hard to see and reassure them each cough you have and each grunt from pain is just part of healing that we are getting there .
He showed me the scale is just a scale that beauty starts within that I would only feel as beautiful as I let myself feel... The number on the scale does not defy me no more than my past gets too! Now don't take me wrong I have tried to eat healthier and I have to drink a very precise amount of fluids and surprisingly. But you won't here me complain.
I have learned to hand things off to people delegating is very important.
It's okay to take care of me and let someone else handle things.
Don't sweat the little things if it don't get done today there is always tomorrow and it will be okay!
I truly feel like the things we go through are ment to grow us....Just like a baby normally will crawl before it walks.... I have learned slow down and enjoy this gift called life He has given to me ! It may not be perfect but it's mine !
Since I have been home I have spent all of October at besides Dr appointments. Until this week, I have finally healed enough to wear a special bra my sweet hubby found me. I am still very slow and sore ... Yet very blessed!
This week I will attend my first church service since mid September! I am super excited !
My family does not celebrate halloween, it has been a 21 year tradition to put our Christmas tree on that day. We celebrate light over darkness..... so one of the first things My hubby said I asked him after surgery is that he would promise my tree would go up!  Guess what with the help from my girls and my hubby my home is decked out in Christmas !!!! He even put two trees up for me ! One in the main house and one in the apartment where I am having to spend most of my time!
I am a very blessed lady, even though we are still awaiting an up coming echo on my heart to make sure the effusion has stayed gone ! I know in my heart I have been healed ! I also have learned to take everyday as it comes....  He is in control and no matter what I am blessed to have a heavenly Dad who loves me so very much! So if you think of me please continue to pray! I have very strict restrictions that last through November! I have upcoming appointments and test. I will try to update here as often as I can.... thank you for stopping by and know I am sending love and prayers your way!
I would like to close with a few pictures ! I hope you enjoy them!

 Here is our skating rink it's a family