From the Parsonage :Creating Healthy Boundaries

Saturday, October 21, 2017

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I was setting in our cozy family room this morning, while propped up on my cushiony chase. Taking in a breathing treatment, I began to pray what should I share next...
Then it hit me boundaries are so important for Pastor families.
This was a lesson my family had to learn the hard way and reaped the consequences of not having them.
After swallowing the pill of you want me to go where? Then arriving and life took on a whole new meaning of busy. It took on a whole new look of what was now our new normal.
For a family of four 3 hours away from all they new was normal it was.A shock and hard it took a heavy tole. We paid a high price for not having a clue ....  Like I said in my previous post I did not have a mentor. So there wasn't no one to call when I felt like I was drowning and loosing all that I knew.  
Taking on a pastorship is a team effort, its not just your husbands ministry its your families and everyone plays a part. Wether  they realize it or not .... Not being prepared causes a wave of confusion and lots of unnecessary hurt.  
We learned lots of lessons in the mountains, I often refer to that time as our learning stage...
We learned so much in those seven years! We took away both good and bad experiences. Yet looking back I see that it shaped our hearts to serve in such a larger way for Jesus.
So I would like to take a moment and share why its important set boundaries for your family and your home. Your home and ministry will be so much better for them.
I think the hardest thing for us was finding a balance for ministry obligations and time for our family. I know that sounds awful, but it was true. As a pastors family we don't ever have a moment  when we are not on call. Our phones interrupt dinner, Tragedy often changes the course of our day, and our doors are always open to someone who needs to talk or be counciled. 
Often times someone will just drop by because they just want to spend time. In those moments great relationships are born. Yet when is it okay to say now is not a good time.
This was a hard lesson for my little family to learn. 
After a time I started notice a change in my girls. they dreaded the phone ringing. the knock at the door wasn't met with enthusiasm anymore.
it wasn't really till we knew our time in the mountains had ended and we were headed for a whole new wild adventure. That my kids spoke up and said before we go somethings need too change.
I will never ever forget that night as they shared their hearts about how ministry had effected them. I knew our new journey would have to be different and it has been. Theses are the boundaries I set in place for our family once we moved and settles going on 31/2  years ago.
1- Mondays were family day and unless it was emergency that someone else could not handle. We spend the day together and have dinner all together.
 2- Its okay not to give your address out especially if you decide not to live in the parsonage!
you can always meet and council someone at the church, their home, or a coffee shop. this keeps from special times with our kids from being interrupted
3- You don't have to best friends with everyone lol. Actually choose your close friends wisely! .Your not always gonna be close to everyone and that's okay.
4- its okay to hold intimate details of your past in your heart and only share them with people you trust. Your testimony does not mean they need every detail to know where God has brought you from.
5- Let your kids be kids! They only have one childhood. Let them make friends with who they choose! As long as they are good influences. Let them have pink hair if they want lol ... Those skinny jeans arent gonna send her to hell lol.... She already feels like everyone treats her differently because she is the pastors kids. tell anyone who has an opinion of your kids. In the nicest way that you can, Your family is just like theirs your husbands calling is just different. Just because I am the preachers family we are far from perfect.  
6- Its okay to say no or now isn't a good time. We evaluate each thing we are presented with before we answer. If it is something I don't have to be involved with and I cant be there or participate. I no longer feel guilty. I also allow my kids to make the decision for themselves instead of making them feel like they have to say yes every time they are asked to do something. For example babysit.
7- Make time to date your man!!! This is important. because often us pastors wives feel pushed to the side lines. He has responsibilities to do and obligations that often lead him away from home! So put it on his calendar and have some alone time with him! You both will be glad you did!Turn your phones off and let someone else handle the anything that arises and tend to one another's needs! 
8- Last and not least its okay to tell church members to call before they visit! There is always days that its not convenient for visitors or even a time of day that's not good.. For example we homeschool so i have made a general rule no visitors during that time.Who doesn't need a day in their p.j's! Honestly everyone respects that for the most part.
These are just a few things that help us to stay sane. However life sometimes throws a punch and we have avert our plans for something different. One more piece of advise if I may. Make sure you have someone you trust completely to confide in. We all need someone to listen and someone to be there for us! Just make sure you can trust them and never let that person be a family member. That tends to cause lots and lots of problems. 
I truly hope this helps to encourage and help someone. Being a preachers wife is one of my greatest joys! I wouldn't trade it for nothing. however on the real side of it! It can be hard and full of challenges. Find what makes your home run smoothly and go with it! 
I am praying for all of you and I pray you have a truly blessed week!      

Happy Home Maker October 16,2017

Monday, October 16, 2017


This is by far my link ups! I hope you will link up in and join over at the Happy Homemaker! Her blog is a blessing to read and be apart of ! Praying for each of you this week, I hope you have a blessed week !

What's on the plate this morning ~~
A cup of french vanilla coffee with pumpkin spice creamer and probably a protein shake. I don't have a good appetite at the moment.

Right Now I Am ~~
I am listening to Sunday Mornings service I missed.

Looking Around the House~~
It need to be deep cleaned and disinfected, I have had the crud and well not much has been done.

On Today's To Do List~~
1- Go to the doctor
2- Laundry
3- Try to clean house 
4- get homeschool stuff ready for the week

Cooking for Supper~~
Cajun Pasta

Currently Reading~~
Ann Voskamp One Thousand Gifts 

On My TV Today~~ I am a little behind, I need to catch up on Criminal Minds, Designated Survivor, and MacGyver. I enj
oyed this weeks ONCE, even though I am still on the fence about the new season I think I like it. I started a new series called the five on Netflix this week. I have really liked it so far. I have been on quarantine this week lol because of being sick. I found the series at 3 in the morning after a coughing fit...

The Weather Outside ~~
It is finally going to feel like fall this week and not August! I am so excited about this. Its gonna be in the 60's and 70's.

On the Menu ~~
Monday- Cajun Pasta
Tuesday- Hamburger Steak, roasted potatoes, and broccoli
Wednesday- Burrito bowls
Thursday- Chicken and Noodles with corn bread
Friday- Manwhich and Tater Tots

If I Have a Few Moments to Myself~~ 
I really hope to start making some Christmas ornaments.

One Of My Simple Pleasures~~ 
Getting up before anyone else spending time with God and enjoying coffee in the quiet.

Favorite photo from camera or internet this week~~



                                                                                 

This picture was taken while me and my girls were playing skip bo and we watched Princess and the Frog at the same time. I snapped this picture and sent it to my oldest and told her, this was a good reminder of why you should never waste
your time on frogs lol!

My scripture reminder for the week ~~
                                                                               


Praying For ~~~ Our Country, my daughter has a big test this week, for our ministry, for a friend and her family, and for my health.






The Life of a Pastors Family

Sunday, October 15, 2017

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At the beginning of the week, I had all intentions of joining my sweet hubby at church this morning.
Life however, had other plans for me. As the week began I felt okay, by Wednesday I was racked by fever, congestion, and a nasty cough.
That has decided to hang around and hang on till I see the doctor tomorrow, I suppose.
When my feet hit the cool hardwood floors this morning. A conversation that I had had earlier in the week with a sweet friend replayed over and over in my mind. I had laughed the conversation of to begin with. For the simple reason a Pastors home already draws so much attention. It really did not need more.
However the conversation still sang in my ears and God whispered do it.
You see we are both pastors wives. I promise our lives are not glamorous. Yet the there is never ever a dull moment. We were texting last week and she said I think you should do a blog on living in the parsonage. I brushed the thought off and said I may would have to do it anonymous.
Still in the quite of my home with only the soft hum of the fridge and traffic in the back ground. God spoke to heart and said that there is lots to share and be learned from this perspective. So here we are, I would like to give the pastors family point of view of living from the parsonage. I hope this encourages pastors wives and this opens the eyes of others who stop by to the glass world we live in. I hope this helps new Pastors wives who are just now beginning new ministry adventures that often lead to moving away from home, that it does get easier and God will never leave you! So here we go I Hope that I can blog on a new topic each week that encourages you! If you have a question feel free to leave it in the comments I would love to help if I can! So here goes nothing ! I hope you enjoy my first entry!
You Want Me to Go Where ?
I will never forget the morning the phone rang and my husband answered and intently answered the questions he was presented with! We had just resigned a church plant of 5 years we had started from the ground up. As hard as it was we knew our time there was done and God was leading us to somewhere new. We had no idea where yet.
 Just two weeks before this phone call we were having lunch at a local pizzeria. I laughed and told my sweet husband I thought God was gonna call us to the mountains and any one who knew me this was a big deal. I grew up in West Virginia and had no desire to live the mountain life again. Yet that day it seemed okay.
That phone call would be the beginning of a seven year adventure that would forever change our family of four. When my hubby hung the phone up. The look on his face said it all. It was a small church in the mountains of North Carolina and they were in search of a Pastor and one of our dear friends had given them our info.
The idea of visiting was exciting. My girls were even excited to take the little adventure. However none of us girls were prepared for what laid ahead.
I will never ever forget our first visit, the small town, if you would have blinked you would have literally missed it.
When we turned on the winding road that led to the church, my heart instantly knew it was in for a change that would forever change me. The people were warm and kind and couldn't wait to show us to parsonage where we would be staying the next few nights. the shock we soon encountered when we asked where the local Walmart was will forever be ingrained in my mind lol. It was 30 minutes away one way and that was literally all there was.
Two weeks later my hubby received the call that they wanted him to be their Pastor. He came
 and told us the Lord had called us to minster in Newland NC. I was excited but overwhelmed at the same time. We had two weeks to pack up our home, tell our family and friends good bye, and prepare our hearts for what was to come. Its never easy for a pastors family to go into a new work. Now don't take me wrong our hearts are ready to go in and do all we can for Jesus. However we are saying good bye to all we know. So we can come in and minister and lead the flock God has called us too. We often come into these places with kids who are upset because they left behind their friends, We personally don't know anyone at all on a personal level. 
We have a new home to put together and ministry responsibilities that begin the moment we take on a Pastorship. I never had a mentor in the ministry.... I wish I had lol... I think she could have saved me a lot of heartache lol. So If your visiting today and Your hubby tells you God is calling you to move away from all you have ever known. I want to encourage you! Take a deep breathe ! Its gonna be okay. I know the congregation is very excited to have you! They want to visit and make you feel welcome. Those things are so important, however your sanity is even more important. Ask if for the first week they would please just give your family sometime to get unpacked and settled in! Have a meet and greet in the fellowship hall of your church after service so everyone has a chance to meet your family. This keeps you from being bombarded in your home the first week. Be sure to assure your congregation you cant wait to receive visits after the first week. 
Set the kids bedrooms up first. Make sure you pack a box with all the their favorites that can be easily found as soon as you arrive. The next most important room is the kitchen! Take it from someone who learned the hard way. Don't allow family to visit to soon. Give yourself time to settle in so homesickness doesn't plaque you before you can catch your breathe. Make the parsonage your home. Make it feel as if its your own home. Besides it is until further notice. 
Remember just because your a Pastors family you are still human and you will miss home. It doesn't mean your not a Godly person for it. It means your human. Hang in there it will get better ! Homesickness is one of the worst sicknesses their is. Its bound to happen. Limit phone calls and face times for a time so your family can settle in and become its own strong family unit. That away when homesickness comes a knocking your better equipped for it! I promise you it will. You will feel like your missing out on everything! Just know your not the reward of the time with your own family unit will strengthen you beyond words. You will be glad for how close and strong your family inside your walls will become ! It will be life changing!
I hope this has helped someone out there! hope you will come back next week ! I am praying for your families this week! If you have a Pastor your thankful for! Please make sure you tell him so. I know I am beyond thankful for mine ! 

simplicity of life

Thursday, October 12, 2017


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I woke up early this morning to a house that was still.... Soft fog touch the earth like a kiss, the soft hum of morning traffic serenaded me. This girls still sleeping so well I hated to interrupt their dreams to start school. 
So I choose to grab my favorite coffee mug and snuggle up on the soft sectional. For some quite time before my day becomes so loud and noisy.
It is mornings like this that you truly see the majesty of our Lord Jesus...
You can simply feel and see Him everywhere! 
In the softness of the dew on the grass. The way the dog bows and gently kisses the earth. How the age of eel loved floors show signs of the gift of family.... 
It’s these moments these fleeting moments that’s being so much awe... remind me of so very much.... Yet the simplest of phrase still keeps coming into my heart.... As for me and my house we shall serve the Lord. 
Joshua 24:15
Ohh my heart burst with joy for we have made this choice.... Made the choice to find joy and beauty among the the ashes of pain...
The leaves are beginning to change and dance their way of the trees... A promise of things anew for the spring! 
Just as I know He promises to to heal the broken places of our hearts and souls....
Doors are creaking and foot steps begin. The silence has passed now it time to join the rush of morning preparations. The grey batter of muffins the smiles when they pull the fluffy top back to add butter... The chatter of what today is suppose to hold. I simply sigh and say thank you Lord for seeing us through the night .... I know you will see us through this day.
Thank you for stopping by ... I pray your day is filled with blessings!

Happy Home Maker Monday October 2,2017

Monday, October 2, 2017

                                        
Its been such awhile since I last posted for Happy Homemaker Monday, I feel like a school girl on her first day of class! I did not realize how much I have missed blogging... Before I get started I want to send my thoughts and prayers out to those who were involved and effected in any manner in Vegas! My heart breaks for them ...

This Morning ~ I have had a quite morning .... I have been trying to urge myself to find some kind of new normal and be okay with the challenges my health brings daily... As always though every morning starts with a cup of coffee! It would not be complete with out pumpkin spice creamer!

Looking Around the House~ For the most part everything is neat and orderly. My youngest and I cleaned on Saturday ... So there isn't much at all to do today.

On Today's To Do List~ I truly need to go ahead and get everything in order for homeschool later this week. I hope to make it outside and do some flower bed cleaning so I can decorate for fall later this week. 

Currently Reading~ Nothing at all for the moment... The mood has not yet hit for a new book to read ... the cooler weather will hopefully bring that upon soon. Instead of reading at night we have been playing family games! I have truly enjoyed it!

On the T.V~ I have fallen head over hills for Poldark! 
I just finished Turn on Netflix and can not wait for it to start on t.v again. Many of our favorite shows are starting back, I am excited! our family loves watching Criminal Minds, Mcgyver , and Designated Survivor together ! My daughter and I are anxiously awaiting the new ONCE. 

The Weather Outside~ It is truly a beautiful fall day, the sun is shining and the its in the low 70's! I just wish it would last... I think it is suppose to be in the upper 80's by the end of the week. I will be happy when the fall weather stays!

On the Menu~

Monday~ Shrimp and Grits

Tuesday~Creamy Tortellini and Italian Sausage

Wednesday~ Grilled Chicken Breast , Broccoli , and Roasted Potatoes  

Thursday~ Beef Mexi Melts

Friday~ Pizza

If I have a few minutes I will~ knit or sew... I have been knitting handmade dish cloths and I would love to start sewing again!

One Of my simple pleasures~ Setting outside in the evening drinking coffee and sharing how our days have went with my family.

A new recipe I have tried or want to try this week~ A old fashioned apple cake, I hope to make it later today.

Favorite photo from camera or internet this week~ 
                                        A personal favorite from my Etsy shop https://www.etsy.com/listing/469132336/rustic-fall-wood-pallet-sign-w-berry
                                       My heart is so happy fall has arrived !

Praying For~ Our nation, for the Dr's to finally give answers, for some special friends who have just ventured into full time ministry this summer! My mom is expecting some test results this week. of course Vegas!

Bible Verse for the Week~
                                                      "The Lord will indeed give what is good, and our land will yield its harvest." Psalm 85:12
Praying everyone has a blessed week this week!
 
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