Wednesday, January 9, 2019

New Year Revelations

Oh how time seems to have flown by!
It seems like I blinked and Christmas was gone and New Years had passed.
I had not planned to have been away for so long. However I must admit I have needed to unplug a little and get my bearings.
Our family had a wonderful Christmas. We celebrated the New Year together. It was wonderful really. Yet I have not been myself. So I have taken sometime to pray. Time to gather myself and prepare to embrace 2019.
I was up really early this morning to prepare for a doctors appointment. While I sat a the edge of the bed and had my quite time. My devotion pierced my heart. 
It was at that moment when I understood why I was struggling, with life and writing.
As hard as I try not to get caught up in the comparison trap!
Somewhere along the way I stepped into the glue trap  that refused to let me go.
I think we all compare ourselves to others in one way or another. Its when we are caught up longing for what others have it over takes you is when the problem begins.
I had found myself longing for a past that wasn't filled with pain.I am a childhood abuse survivor! This has haunted my life for as long as I can remember. All though I feel I had healed tremendously in this area. I found myself longing for any other testimony than mine. This morning devotion reminded me I have a story that can be shared to help others realize there is hope! It does get easier! If we allow God to mend the wounds.
I prayed and asked God to please reveal the other comparison traps I was caught in. To my surprise .... I long to be physically fit like many in my life... I am normally pretty body positive... These past few months have been hard on me.... I have longed for the body I had as few years ago...
At first I argued with my heavenly Daddy! As you can imagine He won! He showed myself value is not found in the number on a scale or the size of my clothing! It is found in Him. His Word is clear that I am fearfully and Wonderfully made in His image! I want to you to take that in His image!!!
If  He thinks I am wonderful the worlds opinion does not matter. I have to learn to love the skin I am in no matter what or no matter how little or big I am I will never ever be satisfied! 

Now I won't lie that was not an easy pill to swallow! Not at all! I wasn't prepared for that! I thought as I sat there I was sure that He was done revealing things to me! I was sure I had enough to work through surely I had not let myself sink into the trap any deeper than I already had!
Wrong Shellie! WRONG! 
The biggest comparison problem I was caught deep in was the acceptance of others! Ouch!
As I set there and digested all I had be revealed .... I felt a tear trickle down my cheek.
I asked my Daddy to please help me to break free from the traps I had gotten myself caught in.
Girlfriend I want to share what He shared with me this morning because the reality is we all are guilty of comparison in one way or another.
First He led me to the scripture in Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! 
Let that soak in .... All things! It had to start with seeing myself the way He sees me!
When he sees me I am beautiful! I am made in His image in the way He thought I was perfect to Him on the day He created me and still today. I have to learn to love the skin I am in. If satan can keep me focused on the things that I feel keeps me from measuring up. God can never use me to my full potential. All though as tainted as my past is ... God gave my abuser a choice! Because of my heavenly Daddy's grace, He can use my testimony to show others His grace, love, and healing. I have to be willing to tell the story first and quit worrying about those who may not understand! He will give the words and the strength to share. I need to be willing to open up and share my story for His glory!   
I am never going to accepted by everyone! I am different and that is okay! The things my Daddy instilled in me that makes me different to others is what makes the ministry I would be called into easy! It makes me stand out and that's not a bad thing!
I knew even as He revealed these things to me. 
I know from experience that once you determine to change your mindset that it is never a walk in the park!
So I came up with a game plan! Habakkuk 2:2 Tells us to write it down! I decided to just that!  I made a pretty 8x10 stationary and on the top I typed out I am Fearfully and Wonderfully made!
printed it out and wrote my name under the verse! then wrote all the things I struggle with on the paper but in front of each thing I wrote I love !
I hung it on the wall beside my bathroom mirror! It fits in with all the other positive messages in my bathroom! Back in the summer I decorated my bathroom in flamingo's! Each picture having a positive quote! 

I learned alot about myself in the 20 minutes spent on the side of my bed this morning! I wanted to share ! For the simple reason someone reading this may need this as much as I do! Lupus has changed a lot about me! I don't want to loose focus on the beauty of my Daddy's love or creation! 
I don't want to stay trapped ! I want to be free of comparison! So I can remain focused on the beauty of the life that is mine!
Thanks for stopping by and sharing apart of your day! ~Shellie

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