Friday, April 12, 2019

Home Sweet Home

It is so hard to believe I have been home a week after a 23 day hospital stay... I have learned so much about myself and my faith through this journey! 
    I don't want to put a mask on and sugar coat this for myself or those who read this! Because my prayer is this blog will grow and reach so many for Jesus! Here is the ugly truth! This is scary! I feel like my life could change in a split second and be gone like a vapor... In all honesty that is the my new reality! It is a hard pill to swallow some mornings. I have a rare condition caused by my SLE Lupus. Constrictive Pericarditis. It is where the sack around the heart becomes thick from small pericardial effusions (fluid around the heart). It can become so thick it can constrict the heart from pumping and functioning properly. Resulting in cardiac arrest. There is only one cure for some one like me. If mine would get any worse is a very dangerous surgery. I have a lot of questions and decisions to make if I even want to consider that all.
  I want quality of like not quantity. I want to enjoy the things I love! I don't say these things for pity... I say because I want to share this thing called life with you and all the things I love along the way! I want to love this journey even on the hard days with joy! I want to be apologetically me. A childhood abuse survivor, satanic ritual abuse survivor, a Jesus loving born again pastors wife, children's ministry administrator, doll loving, aspiring author, wife, mom, blogger, lupus warrior, curvy girl who aspires to love her body and all its scars! 
   I know that is a lot but its what I want! I want to share the good bad and the ugly! today is the ugly for sure! I had a horrible night. With pain that had me bent over my bed. With nausea, diarrhea, nausea, soaking sweats, and no sleep! Today the pain is semi controlled on scale from 1-10. It is most defiantly a 9. This is my new life. This pain trying to regain my stamina to walk again. So wheelchair is my new ride outside my home! Today sucks! But I am so determined  to find joy in this day somewhere! So I am thankful for all 17 meds I take that starts my day and the very strong pain medicine I us to try to have a life! I thankful for the wooden t.v stand holding my lap top so the weight isn't bearing on my legs that are week and hurt! I am rocking pig tail braids and one of my favorite mickey mouse gowns! Munching on some trail mix! With my new favorite American Girl doll hanging out on my couch beside me ! As she is there to help inspire a new Mission Hope Girls story. If you want to follow along with my doll crafts and stories help me grow my audience there follow my Once Upon A Stitch In Time blog! Just click the link! Be sure to leave me a comment so I know you stopped by! Once Upon A Stitch In Time
          Today I am reminded to count it all joy! I am in awe of Gods love for me! All though my life has been totally turned upside down again! It really could be worse! I hope to try to blog a little each day! I want to share Gods grace with each of you! It may be first thing in the morning with an amazing cup of coffee, mid day after an exhausting shower lol, or in the very middle of the night while I can't sleep.
   I am thankful for you if you stopped by! I am still off social media for a few more days! But when my lent fast is over I am going to be sharing my blog link on my Instagram when I update! I hope you will help me share it! After all you never know when your story will inspire someone else to keep going! I hope you will leave me comment below after you are done with your visit today ! I wan to know you have been here so I can thank Jesus for you and pray for you! So let me with something to chuckle at ! A 42 year old young at heart adult rocking pigtail braids, butterfly rash on my cheeks, and mickey mouse gown, with my favorite mickey gown sipping on flavored water! I feel like a 5 year old kid who has missed school hanging on the couch having a sick day! Maybe I can get my way and get some dairy queen later lol! Thanks for spending some of your day with me today ! I pray the blesses you and you have a wonderful day!
                                                     Prayerfully Yours ~ Shellie ~

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