Thursday, May 27, 2021

Showing Love


I received a private message the other day, about a lupus post I shared.

As I read it my heart broke my heart because I have been that same girl.

The girl who let guilt of peoples opinion who didn't understand that just because I looked good on the outside. The inside was absolutely is at war with itself and you feel like your at death's door. It took everything I had to get dressed to set on a pew! 
Yet there I set trying to smile and pretend it's okay when all I want to do is curl up in fetal position and cry.

Your trying be all the things everyone wants you to do. Then after you do what your expected you go home and you crash and your body has been pushed passed the point of no return! 

You eat lunch and lay down and take a nap! When you wake up and you can barely move!  
You realize your about to let a lot of people down because you can't push anymore. Because of lack of knowledge the whispers begin and the invites stop coming.

Worst of all the frustration because so much more is expected than you can give! 

There is so much more you want to do!
My whole adult life I feel like we would get one thing fixed in my body then another would fall apart. One thing may go smooth but the next would be life altering.

When my husband surrendered his call to the ministry! I devoted my life to that very same calling because I want  to be apart of all does and serve my Daddy in any way possible! Pastor's families have to wear lots of hats.

We all have our favorite hat and I was thrilled when I realized my calling was to work with kids!

I have loved doing children's church and A life of Faith Girls Club with the girls for many years now! 

After my gallbladder gone wrong surgery! I just never felt the same! I made myself feel well enough to be apart of things and pushed. Also I remember the whispering when I couldn't be there for a church event. Few days later I may have went and did something with my kids and their friends. What most did not realize that each time I pushed to even get up and get dressed there was a huge price to pay.

My heart paid the biggest though! Because when people talked about how I wasn't there and made remarks about me being able to do something for my kids. It broke my heart because what I really needed was for someone to come up beside me and ask is there something that they could do to help. Could they pray for me. Instead of talking about me call and check on me.

Because a nap or sleeping in longer is never going to make me feel better. It doesn't work that way!

I can even remember a time when my husband had a hard time understanding the fatigue this was an adjustment for him to! Because He went from a wife that could go go go to a wife who was like a sloth on benadryl.

Many times I missed revival services, special services, important family events, things to do with friends. The list went on and on. It was hard to understand because he would soon take on not just what he was responsible for but most of my responsibilities as well!

Five years ago after my knee surgery went wrong we would learn all along Lupus was apart of what was wrong. Lupus is like being allergic to yourself. When I get sick instead of my body attacking the germ. It instead attacks me and my vital organs! That can lead to life altering consequences.

It caused everyday fatigue that alters the things I care about. I never feel just 100% well. There are days that are better than others and days that are way way worse.

When Lupus attacked my heart and lungs it caused life altering things that you don't expect at 40... 

You don't expect 2 major heart surgeries or a major lung surgery.

22 pills a day to keep your body going. Physical changes that you can't control. Weight gain and hair falling out. Your new favorite clothing is you pajamas! It absolutely takes every ounce of energy we have just to be to take a shower! Who knew  how such a ordinary everyday task would take all your energy and you feel like you need to climb into bed and sleep! Even if you just got up!

It is known to attack the heart, lung, kidneys, brain, vascular system, skin, and nerves. It can lead to permanent damage. Also lots of down time and missing out on things we love!

I don't write this blog for anyone to feel bad for me at all! Because I would like to say this. I have an amazing wonderful husband and kids who now understands! Support me, help me, and love me more than I will probably ever know!

But I know it because they show it everyday! Not just with words but actions as well!

A church family and friends who love me and support me! I know there are others out there who don't have that same support! The reason why they don't is because their loved ones don't understand.

Without knowledge you can't support someone who is living with a chronic illness that does not have a cure...

Google it and learn about it! Lupus is not the only autoimmune disease out there! There is a lot so if you has one show them you love and care. By learning about how you can support them emotionally and physically.

If your a friend and they are not able to do the things that they once did or they are missing out on things they love! Call them and check in on them. Ask is there anything you can do to help! 

Offer to just come hang out and do nothing with her!

Don't talk about her! I don't really care what position she serves in what she does for a living! 

She is is scared I assure you! She needs a friend! She needs her family to understand that all those things she wants to do and did she misses those things! 

But she isn't making excuses she really is physically not able. She is pain and tries not to show it! Yet she knows if she keeps pushing her body and flare will put her down! She never knows how long it will keep her down when it hits!

She may not be able to do any of those things anymore! She may have to give up things she loves doing ! It doesn't mean she don't want to know she is loved. Find other ways to do things and make her feel included! Don't make her feel like she is a bad person if she has to cancel plans. Try to understand for her to make the call to cancel something broke her heart, She probably cried in the shower about it. Still when she talks to you she will sound bubbly and a smile on her face because those are things she can still do. Because she knows someone else is out there praying for the quality of life she has.

May is Lupus Awareness Month!
I promised myself that I would raise as much awareness as I could this month! As may comes to an end I wanted to make sure I raised awareness about being there for the person you love who is going through this  journey everyday!

Help me raise awareness!

Please share this! Not to grow my blog but to grow awareness!

1 Peter 5:7

Says: Cast your all your anxiety on Him! Because He cares for you!

If Jesus cares and thinks it's important. I want to make it important too!

I have friends who have autoimmune issues and I want to make a point to check in on them and let them know they are loved!

Thank You for stopping by and sharing some of your time with me today! 

I pray that this helps all of us too walk in Footsteps of Grace and Love.

Praying you have a wonderful weekend ahead!

Prayerfully Yours 


1 comment:

  1. I love you so much my friends and I'm so glad you're sharing this! It's something that everyone needs to be aware of! It's nto something anyone should take lightly. I love you and love your heart and appreciate so much all of the words that you say! I agree, people need to pray for people WAY more than they talk about people! I have seen your journey and I know how hard you have fought! Even if you don't feel like it you have shown up and been a huge part of the lives of SO. MANY. PEOPLE! You have loved and supported and cared for friendships all along, regardless of the pain you have been feeling, and I appreciate that more than you know! I love you, and I'm thankful for your good days, and praying for your bad!


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