I have always heard people dread turning forty from then on it is a constant dread for another year.
I can even remember when I thought being in your forties was ancient lol!
Six years ago changed my perspective on what it would be like to be old and gray headed!
Well maybe gray with some violet highlights!
Because when you're faced with life threatening circumstances. You begin to treasure the moments for what they are. It's not about elaborate things. It's about being present and making memories with those you love! It's about sharing your story of God's grace, love, protection, healing, and comfort.
It's about sharing your life with those you love best! It's about living a life of worship and having an absolutely amazing relationship with Jesus and shining His light!
Six years ago just a couple days before my birthday I was admitted to Presbyterian Hospital in Charlotte NC. I had a large amount of fluid in between the skin the pericardium and my heart! So large the back side looked pregnant. I also had a pleural effusion fluid on the outside base of my lungs.
I remember after being admitted many tests ran and horrible iv sticks. The doctors came and spoke to us and told us they just thought it was too risky. They were gonna send me home and try to keep me comfortable. They saw no hope in the situation! I was 39 yrs old days away from 40 and you're sending me home to die. I was devastated, So many things ran through my head! I wouldn't be here to grow old with my husband Jody! Or to see Amber graduate college. See Christian graduate high school. I wouldn't see them married or have kids! My heart was truly broken I was leaving so so many of those I loved behind! I was leaving so many I loved behind and my heart hurt because of it! There was no way God was finished with me here! We all began to pray! I wasn't giving up hope! This made the second time I saw the fear of losing each other all over my husband's face. I had seen it after I gave birth to Amber. I had begun to hemorrhage, it wasn't stopping! They said the blood was in buckets and puddles all over the floor!
Both times I saw my Daddy show up and say, I'm not ready for my daughter to come home yet!
After a bit, a young doctor came in and told us after speaking with a doctor in the heart group. He thought he could do the life saving surgery he had once before himself!
I saw but GOD show up and show out!
He was calling the shots now He would guide the surgeon's hands. He would be in control of the recovery! He would guide me through the many trials and victories that were to come!
You know I have looked over my life so many times and can literally see His hands, loving embrace, and feet all over the place! It's in those moments like this morning you realize there is so much more to life!
I must admit this has been one of the most trying years of my life! I feel like every time I turned around something was falling apart! Whether it was my health, family things, being hit hard emotionally, or insecurities I thought I would never deal with again, it felt like everything was crashing down at once.
I had some hard talks with my Daddy! I didn't understand. Why now? What had I done to have all this happen? For a while, I heard silence.
I felt lost I know He was there! However, there were some hard lessons to be learned.
However, with each learned lesson was a stronger person walking out on the other side of it!
I realized He needed to do some refining to His daughter! I learned a lot in year forty-five. I want to share these lessons because the Bible teaches me in Genesis 50:20
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
God took the trials and has given me beauty for the ashes and I have seen beautiful things!
1- Don't ever listen to the voice in your head when it is telling you that are not things your Daddy already said you are!
2-Its is okay to be mad and have a tantrum with your heavenly Daddy! Just when you are finished pull up your big girl pants and remind yourself of His promises! Listen to Him as He speaks to your heart!
3-Not everyone who comes into your life is there for good!
4- Tranceparncy is so important and sharing information with your partner is key!
5-Your true friends are the ones who rallied around you when you were drowning and needed someone most!
6- Healthy boundaries are a must. It's okay to turn your phone off, nap, say no, and keep your distance from people who are negative and never positive!
7-Don't wait for someone's compliments or relationship to define your worth or confidence!
Both begin with our Daddy and inside of ourselves!
8- Embrace what makes you set apart and beautiful!
9- Beauty is not determined by the size of a garment!
10-Communication is the key to every healthy relationship after you communicate listen!
These were not very easy lessons learned but needed lessons when I look back! God used each one to make me stronger! I am so so thankful for that!
I truly can tell you satan meant some evil! I am so glad my Daddy said but I will use these things for good!
Friend, I have no idea what you may be facing today! I do know our Daddy won't be surprised.
So don't try to do it without Him! He is way more equipped to get us through an obstacle even if He's quiet!
Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
I had so many things to celebrate on September 26th! We have a beautiful new grandson! He turned 4 wks old! He's so gorgeous, I celebrated being married to the most amazing man in the world! The one God made just for me! I celebrated coming together with all my kids and also my grandkids and just making memories! I celebrated God's love and protection for me!
This list could go on for days! Rather than that let me say this! Each day is a gift!
A week at the beach with my love, being woke up with breakfast in the bed, roses, and a balloon, my kids having dinner for me, our church family celebration, friends visiting for tea, each part leading up to where I am today! To celebrate turning 46 years young was a beautiful reminder that all things change. Our heavenly Daddy doesn't!
He wants to be a part of the good bad and the ugly! Through the exciting and the boring.
He wants us to invite Him into each part of our lives! He doesn't want us to leave Him out!
I'm thankful for each day I open my eyes. Even if I am being honest this isn't how I saw my forties playing out. He did though, He knew exactly what I would need to get through each hard place to each easy place.
The craziest thing of all, if I had to do it all over again. I wouldn't change it.
Because my story is just a short chapter in His very big story! If it has touched a life or helped someone find Him in all of it! It's all worth it!
I have a few challenges for myself before we hit forty seven. I hope that I succeed and make my Daddy proud!
More than anything I hope that the walk through the next year. Brings me out even stronger than ever and closer to my Daddy than ever before! After all, it's all about Him at the end of the day!
Thank you for being a part of my life! For supporting me and always cheering me on!
For allowing me to be able to encourage you and share my heart even my scars.
Because at the end of each day and each year we are all fearfully and wonderfully made!
Until next time< I hope you will be walking in the footsteps of grace with Jesus and me!