Monday, January 16, 2023

Finding The Confidence Within

 It's so hard to believe we are already almost halfway through January!

My New Year started off differently than I had planned.

But in the world of Shellie, I am not surprised at all!

I have been sick since around ThanksGiving just not been able to shake it, this time around.

I had the whole month of January planned out in my head. All the things I was going to begin like exercising, being more productive each day, and making each day feel celebrated! Lol that was a funny thought! Because it is nowhere near my new year has been so far. as I mean, you have to be able to breathe to make those things happen and walk more than a few steps before you feel like your gonna pass out! 

However, I set goals for the year and began cutting things out of my diet! I am proud of myself for that! Because trying to cut out sugar when taking large amounts of prednisone is no easy task! I think I dreamed of cookies last night all night long! I woke up and could taste them! It took all I had in me not to go pop the sugar cookies in the oven at like 5am. Instead, I went ahead and had breakfast and my meds! However, cookies would have gone well with my coffee!

I've been thinking a lot about how I talk to myself and how it affects me. Like it would be so easy to just keep the sugar in my diet rather than cut it out! Right? I mean what is a little cookie gonna hurt! After all, life is short eat dessert, I thought a lot about that! It made me realize that we often self-sabotage ourselves! 

Making excuses to keep our routines the way that they already are. Rather than putting in the hard work to make the changes we need.

I told you in my last post my word for this year is confidence! I have been working hard each day to improve in all areas of my life. The place where I know I need it most is that voice I use to talk to myself.

Where I have felt so bad it has been hard to be confident in my appearance. When you are not wearing makeup, PJs are the

 only clothes you wear, and you are swollen up like a Heffalump from fluid retention and prednisone.

I have discovered over the years my mind believes what I tell it. If I tell myself I am fat and unattractive that is how I will carry myself. My worth will only be felt in what I see when I look in the mirror.

When I change that mindset and tell myself, your body is strong, look at all it does for you every day. In spite of all it fights for you!

It gives me the strength to walk through my house, it has fought hard for its life and my body bears the scars to prove it, I have a strong mind to think with, and though I may not feel it I am beautiful to the one I want to see me as that! My amazing husband reminds me that he thinks I am all the time. This list could go on but you get the point!

The very thing I want to make sure I don't allow to happen is I get caught up in what hasn't been this New Year and complain and whine about it. But rather be thankful for the strengths that I have. That will build the confidence and the strength I need to stay strong and build confidence and keep fighting so I can reach those goals!

Even the ones that feel so far out of reach because of health setbacks.

I want to stay in a state of gratefulness.

My favorite book in the Bible is Psalm. When I had the knee surgery, that set the initial events that brings us where are today.

I didn't sleep much when I first came home from the first seven-day hospital visit.

When I came home I knew I had a pericardial effusion. I was not educated on what it really was. So it took time to learn about and it also took some time to realize what every time we laid the chase back at night for me to sleep. I would wake up with excruciating chest pain. So I would stay awake for hours reading. 

I did an extensive study on the life of David. 

This Shepherd boy did not become who he was without some real battles. He became one of the greatest kings ever and most importantly known for being a man after Gods own heart!

But it did not come easy or with out trust and hard work. Confidence in who was and what God said he was and going to be!

At one point in King David's life he fled to the mountains and hid in a cave from his best friend daddy who wanted to kill him!

Now no one will ever convince me other wise that David didn't struggle with confidence in this cave. I mean his best friends dad wanted to kill him. I have a huge imagination. So I can see their child hood and them playing with pretnd swords as they fought imaginary battles. Or had sleep overs and talked about the girl they thought was the prettiest in the village. Discussing what they hoped to be when they grew up! I promise the topic was never my dad is going to hunt you down and try to kill you! I am sure in their minds they were going to continue to do everything together as men. Raise their families to close so that they would always stay close.  All though later in scripture the Lord promises us." That all thing work together for those who love God"Romans 8:28. Dacid hadn't been told that yet! He was going to learn this the hard way.

He would spend 10 years in these caves. He would live a robin hood existence. Instead of becoming bitter because of his circumstance he grew closer and a man after Gods own heart. 

He used this time to grow his strenth in the Lord. Knowing that he would be by him and fight each and every battle he faced with God by his side. David spent his life listening to God and then obeying the instructions given to him. That is real confidence right there! Because David fought many battles in life. God was right there with him! Even when David messed up and made some major mistakes. He had confidence that God still loved him. He learned from the mistake and allowed it to grow their relationship. Not walk away from God. David paid a high price for his sins as well. All though he paid for those sins, some of them at a higher price than others. He never gave up on loving God and being confident in the man he was created to become. Thats real confidence right there!

Saul however spent his life doing his own thing not caring what God had to say! Persuing the life and the power he desired for himself. I guess to a degree both lives took confidence to live. He was self serving and gained worldly confidence was shaken by David and what had called him to be! His confidence waivered to how his life was going at the moment!

The confidence I want to obtain in the confidence that will lead me to a life closer to my Daddy! 

A confidence knowing when I look in the mirror and I see the confidence I gain through the years so I can become more selfless and see more find the love, help, and freedom in Jesus! 

Thats the confidence this girl wants to have!  

I want to find myself in a forever state of gratefulness. Where even if my confidence would fail. 

My gratefulness for all my Daddy has done for me and is gonna continue to do. Immediatly kicks in and says "Its gonna be ok because Daddys gonna walk you through this!

I don't want my confidence to waiver do my appearance, however I want to fall in love with me and care for me like I did my children. Protecting the girl her Daddy fearfully and wonderfully made. I realize the mind is a battlefield I that I have to fight to stay strong each day! Knowing Gods got this!

Talking to myself with love and not self sabotage. At the end of the day we can never truly experience the love we deserve from others until we have confidence to fall in love with ourselves and let that love pour out of us!I am not sure who will read this... I just know this message wasn't just meant for me! It was meant for someone else as well! I hope you can take these words to encourage to begin the journey of self love and confidence! Becoming the vest version of yourself for the better in 2023!

I hope every one has a wonderful week! I am praying for you! If you have something you need me to pray about please leave it in the comments below! so I can help you pray! 

Please pray for me as I have bee the sickest I have been in a few years. My lungs have taken a hard hit and it is gonna take a minute to bounce back. I ask you help me pray by next week I can have my oxgen liters turned back down to 3. That my lungs will feel stronger daily, My strength and energy levels would become stronger each day! Thank you ahead of time for those prayers! I am praising God now in the hallway as we wait! Its in His time but I am grateful because I assure you someone is praying for what I have!

Thank you for stopping by and sharing a part of your day with me! Time is precious the fact you were willing to spend some time with me. Over joys my heart to have you here!

I hope you know I am praying for you always!

Until next time, I hope you will be walking in the footsteps of grace with Jesus and me!

Prayerfully  Yours,


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